Busy, busy, and busier still – an attempt to keep from falling down, down and down still, into darkness.
Grief is so close I can taste it. I know it will poison me if I ingest it and so I stay, mouth shut, not taking much of anything in. My fraternal twin sister Lizzie has died. Every second of the past eight months has been noted and freeze framed. Will I ever be carefree again? Will time ever pass me by in a simple way?
I am at an event sponsored by an organization supporting women in business. The owner of an Oakville consignment store is displaying her wares and giving her business a boost by providing wine and stuff to eat. I choose wine in the same way that I have chosen not to feel. Any anesthetic will do.
Neutral seems like a safe emotional zone and so with an artificial smile on my face and glass in hand I move through the store.
At the back of the store I am completely caught off guard.
There is this picture with Piglet and Pooh telling me “It is So Much Friendlier With Two”
And here, in this tsunami of perspective altering, I felt joy and gratitude.
I had known my sister for 58 years and I can tell you clearly, it was so much more friendlier with two.
There they were, there we were, holding hands, facing forward, Piglet bringing along one flower, on this expedition called living. We had always walked forward together, one step at a time, Lizzie’s little hand in Anne’s big hand with Lizzie bringing along beauty, loyalty, hope and joy.
And in that infinitesimal moment I felt the shift from grief to joy. It was in this moment that I knew that Lizzie and I were still facing forward together, hand-in-hand in a way that I was just beginning to understand and know.
It was gratitude that knocked me over and poured out joy.
Oh yes Lizzie, it is so much friendlier with two. I love you.
Anne Peace writes about her life and the lives of those around her. She has had careers as a Public Health Nurse in Peel, an Early Childhood Educator at Sheridan College and now enjoys coaching clients who are in transition in their lives. She has co-authored a self-published book called "Newborn Life. Fostering Joy In the First Year of Motherhood" She is a mother, grandmother,friend, speaker, author and lover of life.
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