“Tell Him Now” by Valerie Clark

 

Grace looked up towards the ridge just eighty feet ahead of her with trepidation. Should she tell him now that she was ending their relationship? Colin, her partner of five years, had insisted they come on this trip, specifically to hike The Old Man of Storr on the Isle of

Skye. She had been hesitant at first to say yes, but her love of Skye had made her selfish decision an easy one. They were hoping this trip would change the tumultuous direction the relationship seemed to be headed. Already though, it was clear this trip wasn’t going to save them.The flight from Toronto to Scotland had been a bumpy one, both in terms of weather and Colin’s mood swings. It seemed as soon as he got on the flight, he became sullen, fidgety and refused to look at her.

Turning from the window in the hopes of getting his attention, she asked, “Are you O.K.? You seem withdrawn and far away again. Is there something you want to talk about? Do you want me to get you anything? Please talk to me!”

He grabbed her wrist and squeezed so hard it made her cry out. She noticed heads turn in their direction.

“Stop it Colin, that hurts! Why did you do that? People are staring.”

He looked at her and said, “I have a lot on my mind, and you’re pissing me off with your nagging questions. Take a nap!”

On edge for the rest of the flight, she watched his reflection in the plane window and wondered how long she could endure this.

It was early morning when they finally landed in Inverness, after a quick transfer in Edinburgh. Having slept on the plane, Colin seemed refreshed and told her to stay put while he booked the car rental. With a spring in his step, he came back to where she was standing.

“I can’t wait to get on the road, drop our stuff at the B & B in Portree and get out in the country air for the hike up Storr. I really need this!”

“Are you kidding me! We’ve had four hours of sleep in the last eighteen hours, and you want to do a hike?” Let’s take the day to settle in, get something to eat and go tomorrow.”

He grabbed her arm and moved her towards the car pick up que. “Get in!”

Rubbing her arm, Grace looked out the window as the car flew by fields of blooming heather. The vast open landscape had a dark Moorish mystery about it, but its beauty still took her breath away.

She had been coming to Scotland since she was a child and it never stopped to make her feel like this country was a part of who she was. This had to be the perfect place to tell Colin that they just weren’t right for each other. A gentle goodbye in a gentle landscape or so she kept telling herself.

Looking back over their time together, his behaviour had become more erratic and unpredictable. His angry outbursts when she didn’t agree with him, were getting worse. His nonstop comments about family and friends having too much influence on her seemed to be on a daily loop.  She was losing herself with the constant criticism of how she looked and what she wore. His touch was no longer gentle and wearing extra clothing to cover the bruises had become the norm. The escalation was scaring her, and the shame kept it secret.  

After booking into the B & B, Colin was quick to get Grace back to the car, still with no explanation as to why they had to do the hike now.  The silence and tension as they drove was almost suffocating.

The parking sign for The Old Man of Storr came out of nowhere, and nearly missing it, Colin turned into the half empty parking lot and shut off the ignition.

He jumped out of the car, leaning in to say, “Let’s go, before it starts to rain, and don’t forget your backpack with the camera.” 

Grace sat for a bit, and without a word, grabbed the bag and let the camera slide to the floor, leaving it behind. There wasn’t going to be anymore pictures of the two of them. It should only be a three-hour hike in good weather but following the outline of the Old Man of Storr on the ridge, she saw the mist rolling in and knew the elements would not be on their side.

It was a spectacular rock formation, created from landslides millions of years ago, rising 160 feet above the landscape. Legend had it that a giant once lived there, and when he was buried, part of his thumb remained high above ground to remind everyone he was still there.

Her Grandmother had told her this story countless times throughout her life.  She could almost hear that beautiful rhythmic accent saying, “Lass, you must always be like the giant. Never let anyone try to change you, and always keep who you are above ground for the world to see. You’ll understand one day, my love.”

What would her wee gran think of her now!

Looking skyward again, she shivered. The wind had suddenly picked up and the air felt heavy with the threat of rain. Within minutes, it seemed the sky changed. She couldn’t see the top of the ridge as the mist began to move in.

Colin snapped, “Let’s get going.”

He started walking briskly up the path in front of her. His pace was fast, and she had a hard time keeping up with him. Shortly after their start it began raining lightly, and she was concerned about tripping on the path. 

They passed hikers who were turning back before they reached the top. Some yelled out to them that it was unsafe at the top because of the poor visibility and slippery rocks. Colin just waved them on, assured Grace they would be fine, and kept walking. Visibility got worse and the rocks were becoming slippery, but she followed like a lost sheep. 

Grace looked back behind her but couldn’t see any hikers on their way up. The ridge finally came into view, so she decided to stop and catch her breath and get a good look at what was in front of her. With impending dread, she realized that Colin had passed between “The Old Man” and the small pinnacle behind it, and he was lost to her view.

“Why is he doing this?” she whispered to herself.

  He’d read the hiking guide and knew this was off limits because it was too steep, too slippery, and too dangerous. In the distance, she could barely make out his voice calling her name. As she walked forward his voice grew louder.

“Hurry up, Grace, let’s get some selfies before the mist blocks us in. You should see the view on the other side of the formation. Come quickly!”

Her feet felt like lead as she moved tentatively towards his voice. Her heart was pounding, and her breath felt like it was exploding in her lungs with each step, but she kept moving. Grace reached the pass and slowing moved around the pinnacle and abruptly came to a stop.  Colin was standing as still as a starless night, directly in front of her, and dangerously close to the edge.

He moved suddenly to grab her. She looked up at his face. His eyes looked dead and cold as ice, with lips drawn back tightly.  In that instant, Grace knew that he knew. He knew she didn’t love him anymore and wanted to leave. With sudden horror, she understood what he wanted to do. Time seemed to stand still. With every ounce of strength in her body she pushed violently on his chest. His face registered shock as he stumbled backwards trying to grasp at thin air to stop the momentum of the fall. She watched him disappear over the ridge.

There was no scream, which surprised Grace, just the noise of cascading rocks that seemed to go on forever. She had no idea how long she stood there, unable to move. What Colin didn’t know, thought Grace, was that she’d known what she was going to do. From the moment she got out of the car, she’d known.

***

Valerie Clark has just recently retired and continues to look for the next great adventure. With many Habitat for Humanity house builds under her belt, she is hoping to continue doing volunteer work and spending more time with her grandchildren. She loves a good mystery and can never get enough of Scotland, her home away from home.  

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