"L.C.B.O. Holiday Time" by Maureen Kozak

I was working hard on Wednesday,
It was load day at the store,
We were schlepping lots of boxes,
Demonstrating “Door to Floor.”
A customer approached me
With her bottle of red wine,
“Is it nice?” she said unsurely,
“Of course, madam, it’s just fine.”
The demands they are unending,
I sometimes want to scream,
Instead I opt for action
Dummying up the Irish Cream.

“Merlot,” said the young man,
“Cabernet,” said his aunts,
“Pouilly fussé,” said the lady
With the silver spandex pants.

My energy is flagging
And I think I need a drink,
Thank god for staff selections
And the Aussie mob for “Pink”.
Lines at cash are unending
But the staff is of good cheer,
And the music reassures us –
“It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!”
The customers are demanding,
Sometimes we’re at a loss,
“I’m seeking a big promotion –
Where’s a cheap good wine for Boss?”

“Pinot Grigio,” said the young man,
“Chardonnay,” said his aunts,
“Pouilly fumé,” said the lady
With the silver spandex pants.

New Year’s Eve approaches
And the need for sparkling wine,
We’ll ring in “2012”
And champagne would be divine.
Again the stocks diminish,
Again the shelves are bare,
The customers search for product
And again it isn’t there.
Take heart, more wine loads cometh,
Once more, the store we’ll fill,
If there’s a way to solve your problems,
Then this staff has got the will!

“Amarone,” said the young man,
“Bardolino,” said his aunts,
“Manischewitz,” said the lady
With the silver spandex pants!

Maureen Kozak is an aspiring writer who lives in Oakville and works at the LCBO. When not dispensing holiday spirits to customers, she may be found at the back of the store setting up staff tastings.

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