Sunday, April 7, 2013

"Testicles & Trailer Hitches," by Erica Maines

All right. You must have seen a pair by now, hanging from some Joe’s truck. If not, check out the photo. Puh-leeze.

Now Girlies, I know how classy these are (See exhibit A), and I also know you wish your man had a set dangling for those times you pull into the family picnic. Although perhaps some of you join me in being baffled at what would possess a man to hang an enlarged replica of his organ from the back of his ride.

The book Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps (not sure I like that title, but I haven’t read the book fully enough to judge) suggests that men with larger testicles tend to live a more promiscuous life, due to their increased testosterone. Therefore: the bigger the man’s balls, the more he “dicks around.”

Now I am all for testosterone and I praise the virile male, so perhaps there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe showing off one’s junk is a subconscious mating call? Hoping women will respond to men’s wagging genitalia by luring unsuspecting females into the bed furs.

Either way, I’d love to hear what Freud would have to say. So Girlies, if you see a woman ripping her clothes off while chasing after a pair of these massive dangling testicles, please be sure to write me and tell me what happened!


Erica Maines is a regular participant of Brian's Intensive Creative Writing classes.  When not working and taking care of everyone else, she enjoys writing erotic romance and mis-behaving with her Girlies. “Testicles & Trailer Hitches is from Erica’s website:, Candid sex talk for today's real woman.

See Brian Henry's schedule here, including writing workshops and creative writing courses in Kingston, Peterborough, Toronto, Mississauga, Brampton, Georgetown, Milton, Oakville, Burlington, St. Catharines, Hamilton, Dundas, Kitchener, Guelph, London, Woodstock, Orangeville, Newmarket, Barrie, Orillia, Gravenhurst, Sudbury, Muskoka, Peel, Halton, the GTA, Ontario and beyond.


  1. You have hit the nail on the head, Erica! That is probably an outdated, originally male, saying, but you get what I mean in a girlie way.
    Thanks for brightening my day.
    Had to follow up by checking your site. It just happened to feature the "Move like Jagger" post. Very near and dear to my long ago previously
    dancing self, perhaps because of a "Ruby Tuesday" memoir in process.

  2. I hear you Angela! Thanks for the support. Can anyone truly move like Jagger though?