“There is No Poop-Picker-Upper Fairy” by Barbara Wackerle Baker

I grew up in a tiny place east of the Banff Park gates in Alberta. It was not large enough to be given hamlet status – hence they called us “a community.” But it was the best place for a kid to grow up. There were no fences, no streetlights and playing in the woods started at the end of our driveway. Occasionally we’d see a car drive by that no one recognized, and we’d wonder who had company coming to visit.

Back then, our family had a dog. Most families in the community had one.

When I played outside, I knew which dogs to avoid, which ones not to run from, and which ones were sure to follow me home.

Dog poop bags were not a thing in those days. Having said that, I do not recall stepping in dog poop. Ever. But I am positive dogs still pooped.

But these days, dog poop is often a conversation starter with walkers when the snow melts and the evidence (poop bags) hang off fences, branches or decorate the sides of trails.

I live in Calgary now where gorgeous parks, green spaces and pathways twist throughout the city in all directions. It also has many off-leash parks for dogs. And there is lots of signage explaining a dog owner’s responsibilities in regard to their pet’s poop. Plus, there are poop bag dispensers and garbage cans at pathway entrances and scattered along the way for all types of deposits. How convenient.

So why is it that so many of the bags never make it into the garbage cans?

Do the signs which state “pick up after your dog” really need another line added “and put it in the garbage can”? Because if that is all it will take, I can do something about that.

To find these deposits alongside walkways and open spaces is annoying enough but when I find them hanging off spruce boughs or perched on a rock beside a hiking trail, I start fuming. Do dog owners think there is a poop-picker-upper fairy?

Yes, I realize that when the offender initially sets the bag aside, they have good intentions of picking it up on their return trip. But it seems many dog walkers’ good intentions fall short. Did they get distracted? Did they turn their head at the appropriate time, so they didn’t see their pretty bag sitting upright beside the trail?

Maybe they got a phone call telling them they won the lottery, or possibly their brother’s wife’s cousin had a baby, and that was enough of a distraction that they forgot the little bag. I guess all of the scenarios could happen but I’m hopeful dog owners, who make a habit of leaving the poop behind, quit making responsible dog owners look bad.

A search on Google reveals that under perfect conditions a compostable bag will deteriorate in up to 90 days. The ordinary plastic bags can take up to 1,000 years to decompose.

Not that this is an option, but seriously, if the offender has no intention of retrieving their dog’s feces, why go through all the hassle of bagging it? Why not put a rock over it? Or fling it into the bush? In ideal conditions, dog poop decomposes in nine weeks. So, it would be out of sight a lot sooner than the fancy baggy.

I read on the Cochrane Off-Leash Dog Spaces Facebook page about a woman who took it upon herself to clean up the poop in her local park. During the first three months of winter, she walked her dog while carrying a five-gallon pail. She picked up 60 gallons of dog crap - some bagged, some not bagged, some with worms. And it wasn’t her dog’s poop. Kudos for doing the nasty task and keeping tally of her daily progress but shame on the dog owners who won the lottery and didn’t have time to pick up their dog’s mess.

Never in my life did I think I’d write about dog poop. Yet here I am, doing just that. And the issue is not the dog’s fault. The owners are the ones who need to attend obedience class.

I miss the carefree old days when dog poop was not an issue. But for now, I will step off my soap box and go outside to search for the poop-picker-upper fairy.

*** 

Barbara (Wackerle) Baker grew up in Banff in the 60s and 70s when it was a quiet, nowhere place – not the iconic vacation destination it is today. These days, Barbara writes realistic, fast-paced wilderness adventure novels set in Banff National Park. Her books bring readers into the heart of her homeland, the mountains of Banff, where her characters must navigate their way through new surroundings as well as manage the turmoil life has in store for them.

Many of her short stories are published in newspapers, magazines and anthologies. Carousel Pictures made a mini-film of her essay, “Life Support,” which played in the Toronto International Film Festival (fall 2019).

Visit her author page at BWL Publishing https://www.bookswelove.com/baker-barba/

“There is No Poop-Picker-Upper Fairy” was previously published in the Globe and Mail on their First Person page. For information on submitting a First Person essay to the Globe and Mail {and a few other great places to submit}, see here.

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