I loved Mirella. I married her son and along with a
husband I gained a mother-in-law who taught me to forgive and laugh at myself.
You see I came
from a British family where keeping a stiff upper lip was a way of life and
emotions were not to be displayed. My
mother was always reading self-help books and emotions, although weren’t shown, could
be discussed. But that went along with charts and theories on how to improve
ourselves. One was never good enough and any mistake carried shame and was a lesson
learned on a path to improvement.
My husband Mario on
the other hand came from a loud emotional Italian family who took their marital
fights to the streets of the neighbourhood. My mother-in-law was a well-educated
and vocal woman who had grown up with all the privileges of wealth in Rome.
When I first met her, though, her life had changed and she was managing to live
a full life in poverty on a widow’s pension. She loved the classics and opera
and managed with her bus pass to go to free lectures, art exhibits and musical
events.
I remember one day
Mario and I were arm and arm out walking downtown Vancouver while Mirella was behind
us sauntering along one hand on her hip and the other twirling her gloves to
the side like a tassel. As we walked we passed a man handing out pamphlets. I smiled
and brushed him off. All of a sudden I felt a hard thump on my back. When I
turned around in shock there was Mirella with a pamphlet in her hand shaking it
under my nose. “You never pass by information," she said. "You never know what
the world has to offer.”
Another
day Mario and I came over to her apartment for a visit and discovered her
floundering on the floor on her back. She had rocked the overstuffed rocking
chair so hard that it had tipped backwards and now my middle-aged mother-in-law
couldn’t get up. She was howling with laughter and had peed herself while she
laid there cracking up as tears rolled down her face. As we detangled her from
the chair she saw my shocked expression, for my mother would have died before
being in such a position.
Mirella pulled me
close and said, “You can’t take yourself too seriously, Cara.
Just think how boring we would be if we were all perfect.”
After changing Mirella went into the
kitchen and put the espresso pot on the stove. As she put the sugar on the
table she told me to sit. “Cara have I ever told you about my favourite Aunt
Lucia? She lived in Rome in the 30s not
far from where we lived. She was a very religious woman. Some might have thought
her immoral, but I loved her. Lucia lived in a beautiful house with my uncle,
whom everyone one called Povero Gino. You see he had come back from the First
World War shell shocked, with the mind of a child.
“When we visited, Povero Gino used to lay
on the living room floor playing with tiny tin soldiers. Sometime after Povero
Gino came back home from the war Lucia took a lover. Every Thursday she would
dress and walk across Rome to a hotel. As she passed the church she would go in
and say a prayer. Later that afternoon as she came back she went into the
church again where she would put lira in the box and light a candle and pray
again before returning home.
“One evening our family had come over to
Lucia and Povero Gino’s for a dinner party. We were all gathered around the
table when Povero Gino noticed there was a new servant. Povero Gino didn’t like
change. ‘Where’s Maria?’ he asked.
“In a patient voice, Lucia explained that
Maria was sick and had caught an illness from a gentleman and had to be sent
away for a while.
“Povero Gino became agitated and kept
asking where and why.
“Lucia explained that because she was
sick she couldn’t touch our food. She insisted that Maria was getting the best
of care because she was one of ours, but that it was better that she didn’t
touch anything right now.
“Povero Gino became more agitated and
started saying over and over that he had touched Maria. Smiling, Lucia tried to
calm him and explained they had all touched her and that he was fine and that
he couldn’t catch this by just touching Maria.
“But Povero Gino kept getting more and
more agitated till he stood up and started banging his fist on the table and screamed,
‘No, I TOUCHED her!’
“I remember all of us sitting there with
stunned looks on our faces as we took in Povero Gino’s revelation. We couldn’t believe what this man child was
telling us. As the silence lengthened, Lucia calmly told Povero Gino to sit
down and they would discuss the matter later. Taking up her glass of wine and being
the good hostess that she was, Lucia smiled and, turning to my mother, started discussing the new fashions that were arriving that
spring.
“After that, every Thursday before Lucia
would take off for her weekly visit to her lover, she would call Povero Gino to
the study. There she would tell him that she understood he had his needs and so
would dole out lira for him to go down the road to the local whore house.”
By the end of this story, my jaw may have
been drooping open, but Mirella stood and as she poured me another coffee she put
her hand out and caressed my cheek. Smiling she said, “Faults are what make us
human and ultimately make us loveable. We’re all just trying to get along in
this world the best we can, Picinina. Love yourself. Laugh at your mistakes. Cara, you’re human.”
Carla Reid retired to Grimsby and is
happily living a slower pace away from the city with her brand new puppy Mika.
Carla is finally able to pursue her lifelong dream of writing.
See Brian Henry’s schedule here, including Saturday
writing workshops, weekly writing classes, and weekend retreats in
Algonquin Park, Alliston, Bolton, Barrie, Brampton, Burlington, Caledon,
Collingwood, Georgetown, Georgina, Guelph, Jackson’s Point, Kitchener-Waterloo,
London, Midland, Mississauga, New Tecumseth, Oakville, Ottawa, St. Catharines,
Sudbury, Toronto, Windsor, Woodstock, Halton, Muskoka, Peel, Simcoe, York
Region, the GTA, Ontario and beyond.
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