I
take the same streets every night on my way home from work. It’s become an almost
ritualistic dance performed every evening. Every day it’s the same people taking turns to waltz with me. We exchange a courteous
“good evening” or “what a nice night we’re having,” and then on to the next
partner.
Somehow this evening feels different.
The
rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain begins to tap my head. I knew I was smart to
remember my umbrella today. I open my umbrella and start my journey home,
humming “Singing in the Rain.” The people I pass, don’t engage in our usual pas
de deux; they’re hurrying home, tonight’s performance cancelled due to weather
conditions. I follow the quick steps of
this retreating chorus line until something in the audience catches my
attention.
I
stop and squint at two small objects in the road. They seem to be light in
colour and they shimmer in the illumination of the street lamps. My curiosity
gets the better of me and I decide to snatch up these mystery objects in the
street. I need to act quickly, as the road is slick and visibility is not good.
I wait for the way to be clear and in one quick dash, I zig and zag through the
rain puddles and snatch up the two bits of something with my satin scarf and
place the sodden bundle in my bag to inspect later.
The
excitement’s made my heart beat to the snappy rhythmic beats of a drum. I
quickly made my way home, prancing over rain puddles and gliding by slower dancers
enjoying the walk home in the rain. I want to rush to my place and open my
treasure like a child on Christmas morning.
At
home, I kick off my wet boots, drop my bag and coat to the floor, and retrieve
my surprise – still enveloped in my satin scarf – from my bag. I sit there on
the floor in my foyer, cross-legged like a child, take a deep breath and begin
to open my secret find.
My
eyes well up with tears of happiness when I realize what I have uncovered. Two
pink satin ballet slippers lay delicately in my hands. They were soaked from
the rain and dirty from sitting in the cold asphalt of the street but they’re
still in great condition. They look to
be my size and I don’t even hesitate to try them on, soaking wet and all.
In
that moment, as I slide my foot into the first slipper, I feel like Cinderella:
it fits as if it was made for my foot. I put the other slipper and stretch out
my legs in front of me to inspect them.
“A
perfect fit,” I say to myself. I
I
lay the ribbons across the top of my foot, wind them around the back, then
twice around my ankles, and tie them to the side. I haven’t worn a pair since I
was thirteen, but the movements remain automatic, perfect.
I
lift off the ground as if I’m weightless, to stand en pointe. Then I dance. For
hours. I remember every movement and flow across the floor of my house, from
hall to living room to bedroom and back. It’s as if I’ve never stopped dancing.
I feel perfect.
At
last I decide to retire my dancing shoes for the evening, but I’m not ready to actually
take them off. Sleeping in them for one night can’t hurt, I thought.
***
As
a child, as a young teen, I was a talented dancer and practiced every day for
hours. I lived and breathed ballet, it was my whole life. One day, I was
walking to the ballet studio with some of my friends. We must have not been
paying attention, and in an instant I was knocked off my feet. When I awoke in
the recovery room, the doctor told me it was a drunk driver and I should be
glad I was still alive. I ached all over
– there was not a part of me that wasn’t in pain – and I had a hard time moving
my feet, but thought it was probably due to all the pain medications and
trauma.
“Can
I still dance?” I asked. The only question I really wanted answered and truly
cared about. The doctor and the nurse, my mother and father, just looked at one
another, as if to see who was going to give me the news.
My
mother drawing the shortest straw. “Well, honey, you see the car hit you really
hard and the doctors worked tirelessly, but there wasn’t much they could do.”
She
was too vague. What did she mean? I ripped the blankets from my bed and stared
at my legs. These were no longer my long
and slender ivory legs that used to plie and pirouette with such grace and
elegance. Now they were lifeless and
broken.
“Paraplegia
due to trauma of the spinal cord,” the doctor diagnosed with his medial mumbo-jumbo. I just knew that I would never walk again. And I didn’t.
***
I
awake in the morning, eager to greet my new pink satin friends once again. I
swiftly remove the covers but I’m confronted with my reality. The shoes are not
there, and what were once strong, slender dancers legs have been replaced with
bony, white lifeless sticks. I sigh and
lie back on my pillow and close my eyes, hoping to fall back into sleep and
continue my wonderful dancing dream. It is a dream I’ve had many times.
But
I’m awakened by my mother entering my room to assist me with starting my day. “Wake
up honey! It’s beautiful outside. Let’s go out for a walk.” She promptly begins
to lift me from my bed to help me into my wheelchair.
“Hmmm,
what’s this?” She’s noticed something underneath me as she was helping me up.
In her hand, wrapped between her fingers, is a length of pink satin ribbon. I
quickly snatch it from her hand. It’s my most cherished treasure. I see her shocked face, but can’t help myself.
This pink satin ribbon is my last tie to my weightless, graceful past. I just
cannot let it go.
Laura
DeGasperis
is a work-from-home mom who is a Jill of all trades, self-proclaimed master of all: a cleaner of toilets, baker of cookies, part-time boo-boo fixer and full-time
toddler personal life coach. With two
diplomas, one in Interior Design and another in Visual Merchandising, being
creative is her passion. Writing started as a way to escape reality into some
“me time” but now she's looking to share her work with others. She lives at
home with her three-year-old (going on thirteen) daughter Emily, husband Mike,
two troublesome tuxedo cats, Minx and Oreo, and a very lazy fish named Red.
See Brian Henry’s schedule here, including
writing workshops and creative writing courses in Algonquin Park, Bolton,
Barrie, Brampton, Burlington, Caledon, Georgetown, Guelph, Hamilton, Ingersoll,
Kingston, Kitchener, London, Midland, Mississauga, Oakville, Ottawa,
Peterborough, St. Catharines, Saint John, NB, Sudbury, Thessalon, Toronto,
Windsor, Woodstock, Halton, Kitchener-Waterloo, Muskoka, Peel, Simcoe, York
Region, the GTA, Ontario and beyond.
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